Lesson Number Three: Or, For That Case, Their Bladders

In this instance I think the student in question has no problem controlling his bladder in class.  He just chose not to.

I work with some interesting characters.  Case in point, a teacher we shall call CJ.  CJ is a bit different.  She's a bit short-sighted, a bit deaf and more than a bit...odd.

Anyhow, some time ago I heard a kerfuffle, a student who I teach had been suspended.  For peeing in class (in a corner). In CJs class.  Upon questioning I found out that it wasn't because he was really busting and CJ wouldn't let him go to the toilet.  Or that he had any issues controlling his bodily functions like the previous child.  No, he appeared to have just done it for fun.
And get this....CJ didn't NOTICE!!!

Now I don't like to speak ill of my colleages (actually that's not true I bitch about everybody, even when it's not completely anonymous) but how does a teacher not notice someone pissing in a corner of their classroom?
And the funniest thing was, she is adamant it didn't actually happen.

She said that the other students were just making it up when they told her about it.  She reckons he just had a water bottle and squirted it on the floor.  So I asked her, why then, did he admit to doing it to the deputy principal so that he got suspended??
She said, "Oh they just sometimes do these things, don't they?"

Apparently an odd smell still lingers in the classroom though..

Lesson Number Two: Don't Assume That Year 8s Are In Control Of Their Bowels

One of my colleagues (who is Polish) came up to me the other day in a free period looking a bit flustered.  She said to me, "Do you know what just happened?"
I said, "No, what?!"
She said, "One of the students in my class...he make a poo!"
Me: "Whaaaat?!!!"
Her: "He make a poo!"
Me: "What?!! How did this happen?"
Her: "I don't know, but he came up to me and asked to go to the toilet because he didn't feel well, and then...some poo came out of his shorts...so now I have to find a cleaner to clean up the poo on my carpet!"
Me: 'Hysterical Laughter'.

I think her accent made it even more funny.  And I know it's not very nice to laugh at the poor boy who couldn't control his bowel, but it was just the most ludicrous thing...especially since we don't actually teach kindergarten, but high school.

Don't Lick the Windows: And Other Lessons I Learned While Teaching

That's the full title of my blog but unfortunately it wouldn't all fit as the official title. 
This will be a collection of random interesting, funny, horrifying, bizarre and often weird things I have experienced in my profession as a teacher. 
I can't tell you my real name, or where I live.  But I promise that everything I say on here is the absolute truth, with no poetic license taken to make it sound more interesting. Everything I write here actually happened.

Lesson Number One: Don't Lick the Windows
Maybe that is an obvious thing that most people don't actually have to learn.  I would also like to add that I never actually licked any windows before this event, but I still think it is pertinent to know.
Why shouldn't you lick the windows at my school? Because there is a high possibility that you are licking somebody else's phlegm.
My friend the art teacher told me a few days ago that some boys were slagging on the art-room window.  Apparently it is great fun...
Then one took it the next step and hocked up some phlegm and slagged that chunky mess on the window.  I would also like to add that this was while the teacher was in the room and they could see her.
Then on Friday she said a girl walked past the art-room and licked the same window.
Seriously?
She is a local, she must know what else has been on that window... mustn't she?